Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Tough Morning

“when you’re sitting on a plane 40, 000 feet up in the air, looking out the window, dreaming of your future and how bright it appears to be, or maybe just watching the drops of rain being pushed into different designs from the force of air at 400 mph, well, life feels good. it feels safe, your seat belt is on and your feet are up. then the oxygen masks fall, the plane jumps, snaps and jolts. people start to scream, babies burst out crying, people start praying all in time to the overhead announcement that we’re gonna crash. right then, as your life flashes before your eyes, you hear yourself say, “god, if you get me outta this one, i’ll stop using forever.” right then the nose of the plane pulls up and the captain says, “wow, that was a close one, folks. we’re ok, we’ll be landing in thirty minutes and we’re all safe and sound, sorry for the scare…” that’s how getting hooked on junk is, and when the kick is over you can’t believe you ever got on that plane in the first place. the question is, will you ever fly again?” 
― Nikki SixxThe Heroin Diaries:

If you read yesterday's post, here is an update.  Life support was removed yesterday just before 6:12 p.m., the time that Chris was pronounced dead.  He leaves behind his mom, his daughter, 18, from a previous marriage, and these three little girls - and of course their mom, my niece, Amy.  Its a terrible heartbreaking tragedy all the way around.  My heart just breaks for the survivors here - the girls will be told today when they get out of school that their daddy is gone.   Coincidently, my father died on the same day many years ago - April 11th.  I was just 9.  He was just 39.  My sister and I were told the next day also.  He died of Hodgkins lymphoma, not heroin.  Nevertheless, he has been missed by me every single day of my life since.

Ava, Ella, Hannah
To make matters worse, as I was feeding the cats on Niagara, the ones that cannot climb the fence to eat, and are not smart enough to cross the street where I have a shelter set up, the big fat POS man who obviously has no life, came walking toward me.  He came silently out of the gate, and got his little pad of paper out, and started to write the license plate number down.  Then - whether he really did or not - called the police.  On top of this, I had two traps set, as today is TNR day.  I yelled out to him - and he ignored me as he was 'talking' - that I would be back, that I had to check on my traps.  Who had time for this bull____.  I went back to the first set trap on Pennsylvania and Second, where I've been feeding a sweet, but scared beautiful red tabby, young.  Nothing.  At this point, I just couldn't continue. I had already set my trap up on Baldwin earlier in hopes of getting a cat that comes around, a black cat, who needs to be neutered, but is a biter.  Kind of like Blackie was years ago, on Stout Street.  There was another nice gray tiger in the trap that had already been neutered, so I opened the door for him as he casually strolled out.  The black kitty, I grabbed by the scruff as I had the carrier door standing open, and placed him in the wrong way.   They get their paws on the sides of the carrier and hold on for dear life.  He got away.

Rocky from Central - trapped this morning
I went to the second set trap on Central and Fifth, where there is a family I am feeding now, all feral, pretty much, and there in the trap was a young tabby, under a year, sweet looking, but I am sure feral.  So I  have one for today that will go to the clinic, for $50, and be spayed or neutered.  I guess its better than none.  This little one is little.  Definitely less than a year.  Just a little tyke.  Its HORRIBLE to have to return to the street tomorrow morning.  Horrible.  By the way, I never did go back to Niagara to confront the situation, but I did go back and place another dish of food.  It was gone again when I left for work, and I poured more down on the sidewalk.  Ha. Take that you fat JERK.  Again, this is animal neglect/cruelty at its legal finest.

With all the stress this day has brought so far, its best I guess.  There will be more to come.  At work and with the family situation.  Sometimes, you wonder how much you can handle.  Sometimes, I just want to go back to bed and never get up again.  Too much sadness and worry about everything.  Job, bills, the future, death.  Its just too much sometimes.

Have a nice day.

"Death must be so beautiful.  To lie in the soft earth, with the generous grasses waving above one's head, and listen to the silence.  To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow.  To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace."


  1. I'm so sorry for this tragedy Janine. Please let us know if we can help in any way. Nancy C.

  2. And to continue that haunting quote: "You can open for me the portals of death's house, for love is always with you, and love is stronger than death is.”
    ― Oscar Wilde, The Canterville Ghost

  3. Janine, the news about Chris is just heartbreaking. I am stunned. I knew it was bad but somehow I thought he'd pull through. It just seems so unreal that someone in the prime of their life could make one mistake and their life is over. My heart goes out to you and your whole family. What an awful thing to have to go through. I'm so sorry. Love you. -Kristin

  4. Janine,

    Karon and I wish to extend our deepest and sincerest condolences to you and yours during your time of sorrow. We pray that the pain you are now enduring will subside quickly. You are all in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

    Walt & Karon Simoni

  5. I'm so sorry the children's father. How sad for those little girls. They have been in my thoughts and prayers today.

    I'm also praying about the SBA apartments situation. God will make a way somehow for you to feed those cats and get them taken care of. ((hugs))

  6. Janine I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for his kids, wife, family and friends. A life stolen too early. Thoughts and prayers go out to you and you family. God bless.