Friday, April 26, 2019

Big Red


Well, I have some very sad news.  Big Red has crossed the rainbow bridge, where he joins his fellow friends from Pennsylvania and Short Streets, the area he grew up in.



Big Red TNR
We rescued him two weeks ago after a long hard winter where my helpers spotted him occasionally looking bad. His mouth had major drool, his fur was dark and dirty looking – it was obvious he was suffering.  I was so elated to finally rescue him and get him some help!  This was a cat that I had TNR’d over six or so years ago on Pennsylvania Avenue where I had shelters, and a public garden, set up for many years.  Big Red was always there.  When I had to move due to the city inspectors telling me I had to due to rats, I moved down the street, and hoped that all the kitties I fed would follow me.  I would call them every morning half a block away, and finally succeeded in getting them all used to their new feeding spot.  Except Big Red.  He went missing, and soon thereafter I spotted him on Short Street, which is where he lived the remainder of time, until two weeks ago.  During his time on Short Street, Big Red and I grew closer.  He would finally start to sidle up to me and let me pet and lift him.  Foster mom Carol wanted me to rescue him and house him in her place, but I kept thinking he was a tough guy, and there were others that I needed to rescue before him.  Then my hip went toward the mid to late summer last year, and I had to have others trek back to the lot to feed him, Mr. Whiskers, and a few others that hung out there.  I lost touch with him, but he always knew the sound I had always made, this time doing it from the truck, with the window rolled down.  The kissy sound. 



My friend and fellow partner in my rescue, Kristin, and her husband, had offered that if we caught Big Red, she would take him and get him some help.  He was treated for a severe wound where he needed stitches, and he was found to have lesions in his mouth, and some very very bad rotted teeth.  He has been with Kristin for two weeks now, and after escaping from the large crate he was in he hid  under the bed.  Kristin noticed he wasn’t eating any more, and decided to get him to the vet, which was not an easy feat.  While under anesthesia, the vet found many things that were obviously causing great pain for him.  Animals can't talk, and clinical signs may be few or very subtle. To top that off, Big Red turned feral again, and after some consideration, I made the most compassionate choice – to euthanize.

I wasn’t going to publish this because of negative criticism in the past about decisions like this, but I knew this was the best for him.  It would not be an easy road ahead for him, nor his caregivers.  There’s a misguided notion that euthanasia of a sick and feral cat is somehow immoral.  It’s not immoral — it’s just a sad and necessary fact sometimes.  There is no such thing as the, “right time” for euthanasia. You can certainly find the best time, but that doesn't make it easier.  You need to separate your heart from your head to make a choice upon medical grounds.

Believe me, I ALWAYS feel a sense of guilt over these kind of decisions.  I don't know anyone that can walk away from the vet's office without nagging doubts, without wondering what the pet felt or thought in that final moment, without asking whether we should have waited longer or tried harder. 

We are believers in cause and effect. When something goes wrong, we want to know why. How did it happen? What went wrong? Could it have been prevented -- and if so, how? Who is responsible? What could/should have been done differently? Rarely can we admit that there are no answers to these questions. Rarely can we say, "no one was at fault; it simply happened." Rarely can we accept that nothing could have been changed or done differently.

People who don't care will never experience the pangs of guilt. Only caring, responsible rescuers and pet owners go through this agony. 

The world has enough people who don't care what mistakes they make.   We don't have enough people that DO care about these cats,  -- who choose to move on to make a difference in yet another rescued animal's life. I can't let guilt keep me locked in a lifetime of misery.  I choose to forgive, to love, and to move forward, and rescue more animals that need care. 

We are all very sad about this, and Kristin had the brunt of it in saying goodbye to him last night.  She and her husband will bury Big Red on their land, next to a new tree they are planting.   I will miss you buddy, you were my special boy.  But I will see you again someday soon.  Xo



10 comments:

  1. Dear Janine(and Kristin), I am so sorry for your loss. I recently had to euthanize my cat J.J., and that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. This was the first time I have had to make that decision, and I have had so many nagging doubts about whether or not I made the right one, so I am writing to say thank you for your post. Your words "I don't know anyone that can walk away from the vet's office without nagging doubts, without wondering what the pet felt or thought in that final moment, without asking whether we should have waited longer or tried harder," comforted me to know that I am not the only pet owner who has ever felt this way. Thank you for all you do for the kitties. Kathy M.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So grateful that big red was rescued. He was in a warm safe house being loved and cared for. This was his karma, to be off the streets and gently moved on to be with his brothers and sisters. Carry on Big Red. XO Kim Begandy

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Everyone. It's Kristin. Yesterday was a hard day. Big Red had stopped eating and was still hiding after 2 weeks. My husband and I had to basically build a corral to funnel Big Red into a carrier to get him to the vet. The vet sedated him which was no easy task due to his extreme fear and pain. What they discovered was that his leg wound had abscessed and burst open. The vet said it was filthy :( She said his mouth was a mess as well and all 5 or 6 teeth would need to come out. She said his leg would have to be bandaged to keep it clean and that bandage would have to be changed every 3 days for the next couple of weeks. And my husband and I would not be able to do it due to the type of bandage required. We'd have to bring him in to the vet every 3 days to be sedated and bandaged. I knew this would terrify him each time and any progress we made in socializing him (if any) would be reversed and he would be further traumatized. Additionally, he was FIV positive - which is not a death sentence but does mean it takes him longer to heal than non-FIV cats. I talked to Janine multiple times trying to figure out a solution. I talked to the vet, the vet tech, the receptionist and Darrin. I was sitting on the stairs in the back office sobbing. I wanted so much to take him home and show him that life could be wonderful. But I also knew I would be setting him up for so, so much stress and fear. My heart and head were at complete odds. I cried and struggled for over an hour about what to do. But in the end, I couldn't torture him by trying to help him. And that is what it would have amounted to. I realized that maybe it was his time. He was already sedated and so there would be no further fear for him. I kissed him, I petted him I told him goodbye and I asked God to take his soul and watch over him. And then when faced with his remains and my options, my ever kind and beloved husband said we should take him home and bury him properly. And so he will forever rest near a cherry tree I will call Big Red. I'm so sorry little buddy. So very very sorry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kristin and husband,

      In my opinion you guys had no other alternative but to let your boy "Big Red" join his friends in Kitty heaven.
      I commend you, your husband and Janine for all the love and care you gave this precious boy.
      Their is no doubt in my mind that Big Red understood and appreciated everything you guys did for him over the years.
      I cannot stop crying after reading your and Janine's post because I know how excruciating it is to say goodbye to our beloved feline friends.
      Kristin, I also know first hand how selfish and irresponsible it is to prolong their suffering because we aren't strong enough to proceed with euthanasia. I did just that with my little Princess years ago and have never done so again. They rely on us to do the right thing for them when the time comes and Big Red is no longer suffering because you and your husband did the right and compassionate thing.

      As you know time will eventually ease your pain!



      Sincerely,
      Walt Simoni

      Delete
  4. OMG what a wonderful effort everyone involved has made !
    Having been right there on Short Street trying to trap him - to all my time spent helping Janine so far - I can truly appreciate all the blood, sweat, and now tears that goes into helping these animals.
    Thank you Kris and Janine for making it at least POSSIBLE to relieve some of the suffering these creatures experience.
    THATS why I title my books "A Guardian Angel" - because you people truly are just that.
    I tell EVERYONE I know about your efforts, and how enjoyable it is to get up at 3 AM on the mornings I come down to help to contribute to your efforts.
    I dont NEED to watch those shows on animal planet anymore - I KNOW people that do it for real - and I get to help with the efforts as an added bonus.
    You cant get any better than that.
    So THANK YOU !!
    :O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Joel,

      Thank you very much for all you have done and continue to do daily for Janine.

      I recall when you started with donations and then sharing your great writing abilities by way of stories after your ride alongs with "Cat Angel" Janine.


      Now you have graduated to doing feedings with Kings and have a few TNR's under your belt.

      The Marine in me salutes you Joel for all you do for Janine and her kitties.

      Thank you Joel and keep up your Excellent work!



      Walt Simoni

      Delete
  5. Kristin and Janine- I am so sorry about Big Red. You tried so hard and all of us out here hoped and prayed along with you. If you had not taken him off the street he would be slowly suffering. He passed warm and safe and loved by many. We tried and that is all we can do. Janine and Sheryl tried with my boy and he was lucky enough to make it. And we will try again. Thank you for helping Big Red and for all that you do. He will be waiting for you on the bridge.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ��❤️��❤️��Thank you ....that is all I need to say. We do all we can.....sometimes a quiet exit is welcomed and the most compassionate thing we can do.
    E

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh Kristin and Jeanine. That is so very, very sad. Poor Big Red. I am crying as I write this. Thank you for trying to help him. It is so very difficult to make that decision for another being. My heart goes out to you both - and Big Red.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm sorry for the loss of Big Red. I know how you feel. I loss also my dog through the help of pet euthanasia and I made a hard decision like you. And its so hard to accept his loss.

    ReplyDelete