Tuesday, July 12, 2016

TNR Tuesday

The Honey Badgers
Well, I received some very very sad news yesterday.  A dear dear person in my life died.   I saw him only occasionally, maybe once a year since the time we worked together ending in 2004, but he’s always been very special to me, and near to my heart.  Including his wife, who was his soul mate, and partner.  I met Duncan where we both worked, Schlegel Systems back in 1997 when I started there – he was the good looking boss of a department that my boss oversaw.  I left there in 2004.  I was sort of jealous of his wife when he married her, but after meeting her, there was no way I could be jealous (well… maybe a little bit), she was a genuinely good person.  Still is.  I always remembered his birthday, April 4th, and always sent him a funny card.   He was a musician at heart, so is his wife.  They play in a band and are big in Rochester.  The Honey Badgers have played at my last two fundraisers.  Duncan sang and played guitar, Val sang and played the mandolin.  His band mates were awesome guys too, one being a doctor.  Duncan died of a heart attack at the age of 60 something Sunday night.  A total shock, and huge loss to many. 

This reminds me of my own mortality, and those around me.  I am deeply affected by this.  The thought of my eventual death consumes me. Every night when it gets late and I have no distractions my mind inevitably drifts to my certain death. I find little comfort in religion or that everyone else goes through the same thing. I cannot stop thinking about the diseases which I think I have but surely don't. I keep thinking forward and imagining the moment of my death in my mind's eye.  Discussions of death and what it entails bring me to tears. I have a hard time coming to terms with the fact that the one thing I have absolutely no control over whatsoever is the thing that will inevitably strike me down forever and I will never be again, most likely to be forever forgotten -- not that it matters because, from what I'm told, I won't be around to see it.

Everyone knows this to be true. But obviously, not everyone worries about it, at least not like I do. How do you people do it? How do you simply come to accept that this will all come to an end, you don't know what the hell is going to happen, and that to be realistic it's a good chance that you're just going to be what you were before being conceived: absolutely nothing? I just don't get it. And the worst part is that really, my life's probably 3/4 complete.

So I guess I will just live.  Each second.  Each moment.  Just LIVE.  Live for what I believe in.  Live for what I strive for.  Live without regrets. Absolutely none.  Because, well, I am going to cease to exist at some point of time and guess what, nothing matters then.

Whatever you did.  Whatever you didn’t do.  Whatever you wanted to do... not a SINGLE thing matters at that point.

Now I just have to believe this.  And do it.

OK, enough heavy stuff.  Today was TNR Tuesday and I got these two babes.  I am overwhelmed financially and could use some help with this.  Its $60 per cat to have them spayed/neutered and given their shots at the clinic.  I will have to let Sassy back out on Central, and Bruno back out on Baldwin tomorrow.  It breaks my heart, but I am doing my best to break this cycle of reproduction.

My grief now is for the animals I will leave behind.  I have tried for years and years to make this world a better place, to lessen the suffering of the overpopulation of animals.  It will not happen in my lifetime.  I can only keep trying to help the ones I feed each day, and rescue those I can.  

Bruno from Baldwin

Sassy from Central

Have a nice day.


  1. When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.

  2. How old is Bruno?

  3. Janine, I'm so very sorry for your loss. What a horrible shock for his family. :( Death is a scary thing, there's no doubt. I'm looking forward to heaven but not the dying! But I hold firm to my relationship with Jesus Christ and take comfort in knowing that my sins are covered by his blood shed on the cross, and that he conquered death by rising from the dead. If we believe Jesus is God's Son, nothing can ever separate us from his love. (If you confess with your mouth "Jesus is Lord" and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9)

    I recommend reading "Heaven" a book by Joni Eareckson Tada. She's a quadriplegic who has a wonderful ministry collecting wheelchairs for disabled children in 3rd world countries. An amazing writer and very insightful into the Bible and explains it in a down to earth way. She's been through a lot of suffering, and suffers pain every day, so her writing is from the heart. It might ease some of your fears of dying. Made me ache to get to heaven! You're free to borrow it if you want. ((hugs))