Struggles

I struggle with so many things throughout the course of my day. Mostly with my own wierd thoughts - but today, as I mentioned yesterday, I had the opportunity to trap a cat and bring it to a clinic run by Habitat for Cats. Its a precious appointment as I have only been getting maybe one a month. I did all my spots except for two, thinking if the first one didn't work - Hebard Street - then the next one I for sure would - Second Street. Well, Hebard didn't work. I sat in my car and watched as Momma would have nothing to do with it. She is very smart. Her two kittens didn't even fall for it. I soon discovered that they don't like sardines, only tuna. I discovered this by the man walking toward me, leaving behind two other males on the corner. His name is Roy, and he rents the garage I've been feeding the cats inside of. He was definitely jonesing for drugs. He looked pretty high. I was a bit nervous. But I pulled my usual charm with people like this and he wound up hugging me. He told me he's trapped several cats himself and has brought them to a shelter. He said he is a humane person, but most of all loves kids. He did ask for money, but knew I had nothing to give him. He asked me for bottles, which I promised I would collect for him. He told me he would continue to let me feed the cats. After all that commotion, I put down the food and continued on my quest to Second Street, where there are about 8 adults, and three kittens, at least. I must have sat there for 20 minutes before two of the three kittens went into the trap and then set it off. My dilemma? Should I have let them back out, or brought them home to be taken to the shelter, to get them off the street. Even though they most likely will be euthanized, is that the right thing to do? Or should I have let them go, only to produce kittens themselves one day, and in the meantime either get hit by a car or maimed outside in that area, or freeze to death with the upcoming winter. They are on my porch right now waiting for the shelter to open. I long for the day where I don't have to depend on an organization to give me an opening where I have to have a cat have surgery performed on, clip its ear, and then let it back out into the mean streets. I long for a shelter where I don't have to have the cat euthanized. I feed just terrible about this whole situation. Those appointments are coveted by people who are trying to help by Trap Neuter and Returning, but what am I going to do? Again, let the kittens go and try again to get an adult? Or get two cats that will potentially reproduce in the future off the streets. I wish someone could make me feel better about all this.